Sunday, January 25, 2009

Week 3:If you could have changed one thing about ourself, what would it have been?

This weeks journaling was a little difficult, it brought back some memories, that I am trying not to remember.

3. If you could have changed one thing about yourself, what would it have been?

This is a thought provoking question. My dad was convinced that I was overweight (even though I wasn’t) while I was in high school. Because of this he watched everything I ate and I had to have a weekly weigh in with him. If I stayed the same or gained weight I was in trouble. Usually that meant being grounded and spanked. Because of this I was afraid to eat and would starve myself so that I could lose weight to keep from being in trouble. This self taught behavior has now led to the weight problem that I have. Once I was able to get away from home and my father’s disapproval, I started to eat all of the things that I was denied. Now I struggle with a weight problem. I know that I also do quite a bit of emotional eating also, and I think that stems from those years also. I was never good enough for my dad. I ate too much, I didn’t start on the sports team, he didn’t like my choice of friends (by the way none of them were in trouble, many came from our church) I didn’t lay out in the sun every summer getting burnt (actually I was forced to every summer.), I could go on, but you get the idea. Not sure what I would have changed, but maybe the way my Dad treated me.

1 comment:

Debby said...

Colleen that is powerful journal. Thank you for sharing an intimate part of your life.

My mom was like your day and even though my weight is an issue, I've worked thorugh I can not change my mother only my choices about life. Angry at times, yes. I hate my weight going up and down. But my heart is at peace with how I am and I fight the good fight with weight.

I have to tell you your journaling is awesome.